It’s simple to hate on the Golden Globes.
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For starters, this flagrantly unserious awards present repeatedly causes jaws to drop due to its misuse of the phrase “greatest.” (See: Emily in Paris being nominated for Finest Musical or Comedy Sequence in 2021.) Second, nobody on the Golden Globes even takes themselves critically, lending the ceremony a popularity for being boozy, crazy, and distressingly unpredictable. This makes the Golden Globes much less of “appointment viewing” and extra of “unintended and whereas excessive” viewing. Third, and never unseriously, the Golden Globes voting physique is traditionally and definitively corrupt, and nobody in Hollywood can ignore that. Denzel Washington even admitted it throughout his acceptance speech for the 2016 Cecil B. DeMille Award. So, with all this in thoughts, I’ve some extraordinarily worthwhile strategies for a way the Globes can cease being the TV model of your one cousin who’s in jail.
1. Extra booze
Celebrities already let free on the Golden Globes, so my suggestion is to only make that worse. I can assure you that extra individuals will tune in to the Globes if there’s the potential of Emma Thompson drunkenly flinging her panties at Colin Farrell throughout an In Memoriam section. In fact, this gained’t resolve the Globes’ extra systemic issues (see beneath), however it should at the least enhance the probabilities of seeing Taylor Swift handed out on a pizza. Consider the memes! Do it for the memes, Globes!
2. Much less corruption
The individuals who vote for the Golden Globes awards – the Hollywood International Press Affiliation (HFPA) – are nobodies. Actually, they’re a bunch of random writers who’ve supposedly labored for international publications and are actually paid $75,000 a year to appoint Emily in Paris for Finest Comedy. That’s it. They’re not even within the {industry}! Additionally, the Hollywood producers in search of Golden Globe nominations for his or her movies know this very nicely. They perceive that the one factor random no person writers need on this planet is to take selfies with Julia Roberts, so that they fly stated writers around the globe to swanky events with Julia Roberts and successfully buy nominations for Julia Roberts. To this I say: Let’s have much less of that! (However nonetheless nominate Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts is a nationwide treasure.)
3. Much less corruption, once more
Sorry, I’ve extra to say about how corrupt the Golden Globes are. Like, you understand how I discussed that Golden Globes voters settle for bribes? Nicely, what if I informed you that the billionaire who controls the Golden Globes can also be corrupt? A billionaire? Corrupt?? Are you able to imagine it??? Billionaire Todd Boehly, whose Eldridge Industries governs the Globes, is a minority stake proprietor in manufacturing firm MRC, which maybe unsurprisingly produces most of the movies and collection that obtain Golden Globe nominations (and, in doing so, deliver more cash to MRC, and Todd Boehly). On high of that, Boehly is an investor in Penske Media, which owns many movie and TV industry-adjacent websites akin to Selection and Rolling Stone that will most likely criticize the Golden Globes in the event that they weren’t owned by their boss. To this I say: Let’s have much less of this
4. Actually, simply much less corruption is the one factor I’m going to recommend apart from extra booze
OK, I’m nonetheless not executed! There’s at the least yet another corrupt factor that the Golden Globes do and for which they need to be roundly criticized. Although the Globes’ voting physique has acquired tons of of individuals of coloration ever because the Web collectively realized that the HFPA had no Black members, the Globes nonetheless refuses to pay these new members, who’re once more individuals of coloration. That signifies that the one members of the Golden Globes physique not receiving a $75,000 wage are the Black members. You’d assume {that a} voting physique who’s so involved about optics would need to look much less like a pink state nation membership. Alas, selfies with Julia Roberts are apparently extra essential than paying Black individuals a good wage. So, to this I say: Much less of this over right here, as nicely!
5. OK, so I’ll recommend yet another factor about Golden Globes
…which is that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler ought to host the Golden Globes once more, as a result of the world was a less complicated and higher place in 2013, 2014, and 2015 (however not in 2021), and I want we may all get alongside like we used to in center faculty.
