101 Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes for a Positive and Less Stressful Day

However, Valentine’s Day is usually a enjoyable, glad and romantic day that you simply’ve been trying ahead to by means of throughout the dreary winter months.

But it surely can be a tragic time in the event you’re single or in a nasty relationship or possibly you method it overly severely and get all wired about that special occasion.

That can assist you with all of that I’d wish to share 101 of essentially the most humorous Valentine’s Day quotes.

Timeless ideas to present you a couple of good laughs, aid you loosen up and make this an exquisite day regardless of the place you might be in your life proper now.

And don’t neglect to share one or a couple of of your favorites along with your companion, associates, household and anybody you suppose may wish them proper now or you realize would get a superb snort out of them.

Humorous Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes for a Extra Enjoyable and Much less Traumatic Day

“Bear in mind, your Valentine’s card exhibits you care sufficient to ship the perfect, although you’re too lazy to place it in your individual phrases.”
– Melanie White

“I needed to make it actually particular on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for 3 strong hours, I watched no matter I needed on TV.”
– Tracy Smith

“Valentine’s Day money-saving tip: Break up on February thirteenth. Get again collectively on the fifteenth.”
– David Letterman

“You possibly can’t put a price ticket on love, however you may on all its equipment.”
– Melanie Clark Pullen

“We have to keep in mind what’s necessary in life: associates, waffles, work. Or waffles, associates, work. Doesn’t matter, however work is third.”
– Leslie Knope

“Uteruses earlier than duderuses… Ovaries earlier than brovaries.”
– Leslie Knope (from the TV-show Parks & Recreations)

“Oh right here’s an concept: let’s make photos of our inner organs and provides them to different individuals we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not bizarre in any respect.”
– Jimmy Fallon

“At this time is Valentine’s Day – or, as males wish to name it, Extortion Day!”
– Jay Leno

“The 99 Cent Solely Retailer is asking itself your Valentine’s Day headquarters. Guys, if that’s your Valentine’s Day headquarters, it’s also possible to name the storage your new dwelling.”
– Jay Leno

“Would I reasonably be feared or beloved? Simple. Each. I would like individuals to be afraid of how a lot they love me.”
– Michael Scott

“With out Valentine’s Day, February could be… properly, January.”
– Jim Gaffigan

“All you want is love. However slightly chocolate at times doesn’t damage.”
– Charles M. Schulz

“First Valentine’s Day, 200,000 B.C.: Women and men congregate on reverse sides of Pangaea, ready for somebody to make the primary transfer.”
– Kristen Schaal

“You possibly can’t purchase love, however you may pay closely for it.”
– Henny Youngman

“The key to an extended marriage is to remain gone.”
– Dolly Parton

“I’m wondering what idiot it was that first invented kissing.”
– Jonathan Swift

“All my spouse needed for Valentine’s Day was slightly card – American Categorical.”
– Milton Berle

Humorous Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes & Jokes on Being Single

“Valentine’s Day: the vacation that reminds you that in the event you don’t have a particular somebody, you’re alone.”
– Lewis Black

“My associates inform me I’ve an intimacy downside. However they don’t actually know me.”
– Garry Shandling

“I need a man who’s type and understanding. Is that an excessive amount of to ask of a millionaire?”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

“If love is the reply, may you please rephrase the query?”
– Lily Tomlin

“I virtually had a psychic girlfriend, however she left me earlier than we met.”
– Steven Wright

“The factor about Valentine’s day is that individuals uncover who’re single and who to really feel jealous of.”
– Faye Morgan

“Real love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.”
– Francois de la Rochefoucauld

“You’re by no means alone on Valentine’s Day in the event you’re close to a lake and have bread.”
– Mike Primavera

“No one loves me as a lot as I really like me, so I assume I’ll simply be my very own valentine.”
– Adam Rippon

“Folks ought to fall in love with their eyes closed.”
– Andy Warhol

“The one you’re keen on and the one who loves you might be by no means, ever the identical particular person.”
– Chuck Palahniuk

“Have you ever ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so susceptible.”
– Neil Gaiman

“My cellphone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships these days.”
– Jacques Torres

“Can formally verify that the best way to a person’s coronary heart lately is just not by means of magnificence, meals, intercourse, or alluringness of character, however merely the power to appear not very enthusiastic about him.”
– Bridget Jones (from the film Bridget Jones’s Diary)

“For those who textual content ‘I really like you’ to an individual and the particular person writes again an emoji – it doesn’t matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you again.”
– Chelsea Peretti

“Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.”
– Fulton J. Sheen

“Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; it’s important to give off indicators, kind of like an newbie radio operator.”
– Helen Gurley Brown

Hilarious Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes for Him and a Optimistic Day

“Love means nothing in tennis, but it surely’s the whole lot in life.”
– Unknown

“No matter it’s possible you’ll appear to be, marry a person your individual age – as your magnificence fades, so will his eyesight.”
– Phyllis Diller

“I instructed my spouse a person is like wine, he will get higher with age. She locked me within the cellar.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

“I promise to like you, respect you, help you, and above all else, be sure that I’m not simply yelling at you as a result of I’m hungry.”
– Gladys Canby

“What’s the easiest way to have your husband keep in mind your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”
– Cindy Garner

“I feel males who’ve a pierced ear are higher ready for marriage. They’ve skilled ache and acquired jewellery.”
– Rita Rudner

“The person who says his spouse can’t take a joke forgets that she took him.”
– Oscar Wilde

“A person’s major job is to guard his girl from her want to ‘get bangs’ each different month.”
– Dax Shepard

“For those who can keep in love for greater than two years, you’re on one thing.”
– Fran Lebowitz

“A man is aware of he’s in love when he loses curiosity in his automobile for a few days.”
– Tim Allen

“Being a superb husband is like being a stand-up comedian. You want 10 years earlier than you may name your self a newbie.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“As a person in a relationship, you’ve got a selection: You will be proper otherwise you will be glad.”
– Ralphie Might

“I promise to at all times be by your facet. Or underneath you. Or on prime.”
– Joe King

“I really like you in a manner that’s nauseating to others.”
– Dinah Mite

“The bravest factor that males do is love girls.”
– Mort Sahl

“The jewellery shops say, ‘Inform your spouse you’re keen on her with a diamond,’ whereas wives let you know they love you with, ‘OK, however simply because it’s Valentine’s Day.’”
– George Lopez

“Marrying a person is like shopping for one thing you’ve been admiring for a very long time in a store window. You might like it once you get it dwelling, but it surely doesn’t at all times go along with the whole lot else.”
– Jean Kerr

“Hold your eyes huge open earlier than marriage, half shut afterwards.”
– Benjamin Franklin

“By all means marry. For those who get a superb spouse, you’ll be glad. For those who get a nasty one, you’ll change into a thinker.”
– Socrates

“Love is so much like a backache, it doesn’t present up on X-rays, however you realize it’s there.”
– George Burns

“Love is a hearth. However whether or not it will heat your fireside or burn down your home, you may by no means inform.”
– Joan Crawford

“Males need the identical factor from their underwear that they need from girls: slightly little bit of help and slightly little bit of freedom.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

Humorous Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes for Buddies and Your BFF

“What’s Galentine’s Day? Oh, it’s solely the perfect day of the 12 months.”
– Leslie Knope

“Love is being silly collectively.”
– Paul Valery

“Love is sharing your popcorn.”
– Charles Schulz

“I really like you even once I’m actually, actually hungry.”
– Holly Wooden

“I really like you greater than espresso. However please don’t make me show it.”
– Gerry Attrick

“I’m yours. No refunds.”
– Unknown

“I really like you it doesn’t matter what you do, however do you’ve got to take action a lot of it?”
– Jean Illsley Clarke

“Typically I’m wondering how you place up with me. Then I keep in mind, oh I put up with you. So we’re even.”
– Mand Lynne

“I really like you with all my butt. I’d say coronary heart, however my butt is larger.”
– Emma Nate

“I really like you much more than I’m aggravated by you. Which is so much.”
– Brighton Early

“If there’s a regulation towards friendship, lock me up.”
– Leslie Knope

“Every single day I fall in love with you increasingly more. Besides yesterday, yesterday you had been fairly annoying.”
– Earl E. Chicken

“I promise you, I’d be the primary to stomp in your pretty, pretty zombie head.”
– Unknown

Funny Valentine’s day quotes

Quick, Cute and Humorous Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

“Love is a grave psychological sickness.”
– Plato

“Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.”
– Pauline Thomason

“Love means by no means having to say you’re sorry – however I extremely advocate you say it anyhow.”
– Sandra Shea

“Love is just not having to carry in your farts anymore.”
– Bree Luckey

“A person falls in love by means of his eyes, a girl by means of her ears.”
– Les Dawson

“Love is like conflict: straightforward to start however very onerous to cease.”
– H. L. Mencken

“I promise to at all times cop a really feel once you’re making an attempt to prepare within the morning.”
– Upton O. Goode

“Who wears the pants in our relationship? We want it when neither of us are sporting pants.”
– Felix Cited

“Love is grand; divorce is 100 grand.”
– Unknown

“I actually, actually such as you, even when my resting bitch face typically says in any other case.”
– Fay Collins

“Will you be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical query. We’re married.”
– Sarah Kelly

“Love is what you’ve been by means of with any person.”
– James Thurber

“You rainbow-infused house unicorn.”
– Leslie Knope

“Love is only a chocolate substitute.”
– Melanie Clark Pullen

“A girl’s creativeness may be very fast; it jumps from admiration to like, from like to matrimony in a second.”
– Jane Austen

“Love is affected person, love is type, love means slowly shedding your thoughts.”
– Jay Thomas

“Do you consider in love at first sight, or ought to I stroll by once more?”
– Unknown

“Girls want a cause to have intercourse. Males simply want a spot.”
– Billy Crystal

“Love is like an hourglass, with the guts filling up because the mind empties.”
– Jules Renard

“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!”
– Jenny Han

“Love is identical as like besides you are feeling sexier.”
– Judith Viorst

“Honesty is the important thing to a relationship. For those who can pretend that, you’re in.”
– Richard Jeni

“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full 5 minutes.”
– Lucille Ball

“Love is an electrical blanket with any person else answerable for the swap.”
– Cathy Carlyle

“I really like you and it’s getting worse.”
– Joseph E. Morris

“Marriage is like pantyhose. All of it will depend on what you place into it.”
– Phyllis Schlafl

“Love is telling somebody their hair extensions are displaying.”
– Natasha Leggero

“Real love comes quietly, with out banners or flashing lights. For those who hear bells, get your ears checked.”
– Erich Segal

“Love with previous males is because the solar upon the snow, it dazzles greater than it warms.”
– J. P. Senn

“The difficulty with some girls is that they get all enthusiastic about nothing – after which marry him.”
– Cher

Need extra uplifting inspiration in your Valentine’s Day?  Moreover, Then take a look at these 100 short Valentine’s Day captions, the 101 inspirational Valentine’s day quotes right here and these love quotes. Plus, the short and romantic quotes on this put up and these  top 35 love quotes for him.

Funny Valentine’s day quotes

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